There is a saying that goes something like this…..God is laughing whilst you are making plans!

and wow do I feel like that at the moment.

What I thought I wanted to achieve here on this Website has taken a right hand turn and it is not at all what I thought and it seems its evolving as I write 🙂

How many times have you been in a situation where you felt dis-empowered? helpless? and no matter how much you plan, strive, push…….nothing is working? in fact it just seems that the result is a big fat nothing?

This is me at the moment. The rug has been pulled out from under me, there is drama, intrigue, back stabbing, deceit…..the list goes on and I am completely in the dark. I have no information and no matter how I cajole, push, connive, manipulate try to find answers there are non forth coming. I have tried to defend, justify, demand, assume, all to no avail. I remain helpless, dis-empowered and humiliated…….or do I?

It seems my only power… is to “sit still” in the middle of it all. Surrender to what is NOW, not try to get answers, figure it out, make an ending, walk away, get on with my life, listen to other peoples opinions and advice….my life is NOW and when I sit in it and accept fully there is power in that.

Sometimes when Life happens to us, we do whatever we can to gain control (all or non of the above and more besides) when we are backed into a corner we come out fighting or we give up. And what if we didn’t do that? What if we trust that whatever is happening is for our own good, that it is Grace filled? When we are in it…we don’t see the bigger picture, or the gift hiding in it. We only see what is in front of us and if we don’t like it we do whatever we can to not see it!  or not FEEL it.

A friend of mine Elizabeth Ellames who specialises in archetypes and the creator of “Living Attributes typology” – https://livingattributes.com/

poses the question….Who or what emerges in emergency?

For me its the Drama Queen…. whenever I feel threatened or backed into a corner…she comes out…. and usually blows everything out of proportion and makes it bigger than Ben Hurr.

Next comes the Escape Artist…she maps out an escape route like turning the situation around so its more Rosy, not so bad, no big deal or its so bad that I have to escape….go somewhere else, leave it behind, get away from it, forget about it and move on. 🙂

Then one of two things happen, I either go to the Outcast, where I am alone and usually unlovable or I go to the Pretender where I can pretend everything will be ok.

All of this is done in split seconds!!!!!! to avoid whatever I am feeling.

To AVOID what ever I am feeling……

and usually when the rug is pulled out What I am feeling is not very good….. shock, hurt, despair, dis-empowerment, useless, worthless, shame etc etc

However, what I have found time and time again is when I allow myself to feel the feelings I am trying to avoid, to “sit still” in the middle of them, they only last a few seconds and they lead me to empowerment, peace, clarity, acceptance.

No-one person, people or situation can “make me feel” something. That feeling is inside me. They can trigger something in me but the feeling is mine! How I react to any given situation, story or person is up to me, its my response/ability and that’s Powerful.

Its not about me hiding or squashing down my feelings. Its about me allowing myself to feel them and giving myself permission to feel, even the nasty stuff like Rage, shame, anger, hatred. I am not talking about expressing, projecting them or exploding them, its very simply feeling them. Sometimes that feels like they cant be contained…..especially Rage…I literally feel like I will explode or be out of control….and feeling RAGE just fully feeling it, nothing else, always leads to freedom and definitely I still have a body afterwards, I haven’t really exploded!

Of course all of this is easier said than done. I am by no means an expert, I am usually much better at hindsight than in the moment catching myself at it! for me the key, is in the feeling, watching and questioning, the stopping in the moment with NO Judgement or story and the acceptance of whatever is here and surrendering.

Also the key is in my willingness to uncover my Shadow, my short comings, be truthful with myself, really look at my reactions, beliefs and concepts. Who am I blaming or pointing the finger at? Be willing to forgive myself in all my beauty and ugliness, loving myself anyway and letting Grace love me and my heart lead me.

Surrendering to Life, even the Rugs.. all the Rugs….some get pulled out….some take me on a Magic Ride!

All is Valuable and takes me somewhere I have never been before. 🙂

I would love to hear your story, experience or opinion, please share a comment if you wish.

Blessings, Prema